predicate.

Three more teams managed to secure a playoff slot in Week 12, leaving only two spots unclaimed as we head into the final week of the season. Both of the top two Caption This teams secured a ninth victory, so they are both headed to the playoffs and remain neck and neck in the divisional battle -- although the Chicago Rhyparographers do have a decided advantage in that contest, thanks to their 7-1 divisional record. The Pacific Coast Pirates also clinched the Your Mom division thanks to a well-timed 6-game win streak.

Five teams are still contending for those two playoff spots: Grim And Frostbitten, The Hooligans and The Pantywaists have the inside track, as they all control their own destiny and can advance by winning their next game (or through a tie or loss, combined with ties or losses by their rivals). The Beefalo Balls need both a win and a loss by Grim And Frostbitten to advance, and The Wrong Petersons' task is all but insurmountable, but they are still mathematically alive with a win and a lot of help.

Just a couple more weeks of couplets to compose...

The Steamers won with 42 from Brees,
But they can't do better than the sixth seed.
      Final Score: Great Lakes Steamers 109.9 -- Arcane Nitehawkez 65.8.

Limping to the finish line are The Show:
Week 12's effort produced their third Prothro.
      Final Score: Amherst The Show 55.5 -- Los Tastiks 59.5.

Army of Darkness got win number four
After pummelling the -ch out of Squor.
      Final Score: Ghost Of Roger Staubach 33.5 -- Army of Darkness 63.9.

The Cheatahs regressed to their former selves,
So back down into the cellar they fell.
      Final Score: The Iron Yuppies 57.7 -- Baystate Wicked Cheatahs 28.5.

With five straight wins, Oak Ridge is running hot:
They can still secure the top playoff spot.
      Final Score: Oak Ridge Trinities 97.4 -- Fargo Arborists 67.1.

A fourth straight loss has The Hooligans piqued --
One more like that, and they're finished next week.
      Final Score: The Hooligans 90.8 -- Pacific Coast Pirates 104.2.

Beefalo romped, for a much-needed win;
Things don't look good for The Wrong Petersons.
      Final Score: The Wrong Petersons 58.3 -- Beefalo Balls 109.9.

GRIM got smacked around like a naughty whelp.
They might not need a win, but it would help.
      Final Score: The Defenestrators 83.9 -- Grim And Frostbitten 48.4.

Headbangers faced off against Edgewater,
Scored no points on the ground, and got slaughtered.
      Final Score: The Headbangers 61.8 -- Edgewater Fustigators 102.

The beating mule took Week 12 was severe:
The second-highest PA logged all year.
      Final Score: Chicago Rhyparographers 142.7 -- The Pantywaists 93.6.

Corks popped in Jersey, as the Titans fell.
Meanwhile, Detroit's Lions are 0-12.

Besides the race for the last couple playoff spots, there's also another hotly contested title on the line next week: the Smash Hit Tom Memorial Trophy, awarded to the team which scores the most total points in the regular season. Our current leaders are the Great Lakes Steamers with a score of 1064.6 through 12 weeks (an impressive 88.7 per game), but the Oak Ridge Trinities (-18.7), the Pacific Coast Pirates (-19.6), The Headbangers (-26.6), and the Chicago Rhyparographers (-41.4) all have legitimate shots at snatching it from their grasp as we finish out the season.

All but two of our Week 13 games have playoff implications (for the seeding if nothing else) but our final Game of the Week is yet another Your Mom clash between The Hooligans and The Pantywaists. The winner of that contest is guaranteed one of the final two playoff spots, and the loser essentially requires divine intervention to claim the other. The Irish-men are favored in the matchup (currently in progress thanks to Thanksgiving football) by 16 points -- but this is down from the original pre-game line of 36.8, and that four-game losing streak has to be weighing heavily on their minds...

Tune in next week, for the final Predicate Pigskin recap of the regular season!