Predicate Pigskin 6: Week 12

We're almost to the end of the regular season, but with so many questions left to answer! It's hard to remember a season of Pigskin that has contained so many ups and downs, with three divisional crowns and three wild-card berths still up for grabs in Week 13.

Three of the teams in our top 8 are nursing long win streaks, with I'm Thinkin RBs finally overtaking the defunct 6-game streak owned by the Niagara Fails, which ended way back in Week 10. Miah's team has won seven straight, putting them in the driver's seat to collect The Silver Streak if they can win next week. However, the meteoric rise of The Hooligans and the Ghost Of Roger Staubach has made them possible Silver Streakers as well. Should the RBs lose in Week 13, both Irish and squorch can pick up shares of the prize by winning their individual matchups and finishing the regular season with 7 consecutive wins.

At the other end of the spectrum, there's a two-way tie brewing for The Streak of Piss as well, with two Caption This teams standing to claim the league's crowning dishonor depending on their Week 13 fortunes. Both the Edgewater Fustigators and the Chicago Qualtaghs have dropped their last six games, and if either of them lose again they will own at least a share of the credit (blame?) for the longest losing streak of the season. However, should both teams win and the Arcane Nitehawkez lose in Week 13, we will have a three-way tie at 6 straight losses, resulting in the deepest Streak of Piss in Pigskin history.

Still unresolved this season are three of our divisional crowns. According to the official Pigskin Statistician, these races will play out thusly...

Fried Soup:

1. I'm Thinkin RBs wins the division with a win OR a loss by The Headbangers
2. The Headbangers win the division with a win AND a loss by I'm Thinkin RBs

Either team automatically qualifies for the post-season as a wild card if they don't win the division.

Your Mom:

1. The Hooligans win the division with a loss by The Boys Named Suh OR a win in which they score +49.6 over the Boys' total
2. The Boys Named Suh win the division with a loss by The Hooligans OR a win in which Irish's team fails to beat their total by more than 49.4 points

Stabby Action:

1. The Beefalo Balls win the division with a win
2. The Ann Arbor Hippies win the division with a win AND a loss by the Beefalo Balls

Either team automatically qualifies for the post-season as a wild card if they don't win the division.

Other Playoff Possibilities:

1. Hooligans, Suh, Grumpy Kittehs and Ghost Of Roger Staubach are all in with a win (Kittehs and Hooligans are playing each other)
2. The loser of Hooligans/Kittehs is in if either Suh or Staubach loses
3. Staubach is in with a loss only if Suh loses and does not outscore Staubach by 60
4. Suh is in with a loss only if Staubach loses and Suh outscores him by 60
5. The Fargo Arborists are technically alive, but they must win and Staubach and Suh must both lose AND the Arborists must make up 140 points on Suh or 205 points on Staubach

Between the Streak trophies, the wild-card berths, and the divisional championship races, only one of our Week 13 matchups is utterly meaningless: the Great Lakes Steamers vs. the Prolate Spheroids. Both teams are 5-7 and will finish around the middle of the pack no matter what happens. That makes it a perfect choice for our Game of the Week -- especially because there's only an 11-point spread. Will QB Caleb Hanie rebound against the terrible Kansas City Chiefs? Will the 49ers D/ST allow the hapless St. Louis Rams to gain even one yard rushing? Will anybody bother to learn who the hell RB Roy Helu is?

Tune in next week for more Predicate Pigskin!