Plastic Fantasy Football Week 13 -- Did You Make It?

Final week of the regular season. Things worked out pretty well with 13 weeks and 14 teams -- everyone got to play all the other teams once. And moreover, the playoffs remained within reach for almost everyone, right up to the end. Can't ask for more than that!

The results of the games:

• The Headbangers had one of the more difficult roads to the playoffs, as two of their last three contests were against tough teams also shooting for the playoffs. And having beaten those two teams, they figured to coast in with an easy win over Da Whiteheads -- but it was not to be. A 3-TD day for Lee Evans and tough defense from the New England Patriots put enough points on the board to defeat the underperforming metalheads, snapping the Bay Staters' losing streak at 7 games. The Headbangers did enough to hang onto their playoff berth, though, and finish with the fifth-best record in the league. Final Score: Whiteheads 45 -- Headbangers 44.
• Another team facing a potential spoiler, The Port Authorities had the honor of facing last year's champion as their final game of the season. Clan's Bronx B-Boys may not have a shot at a repeat, but they had put a dagger in the heart of Dah Smashahs in Week 12, dropping them into a win-or-go-home proposition. But the Authorities have been winning big games when it counted all season long, and this week was no exception. Chicago's peerless defense and precision passing from Trent Green led them to a victory, and secured them the sixth-best record in the league -- putting them in the playoffs by the skin of their teeth. Final Score: Authorities 62 -- B-Boys 51.
• Our third contest was an instant classic, the clear candidate for game of the week. Two great teams who had dominated in the early part of the season, but slumped down the stretch, found themselves facing one another in Week 13 with the post-season on the line. When the dust cleared, the GhostOfRogerStaubach had snapped their 4-game losing streak, with defense again coming through (the Colts this time) and Big Ben Roethlisberger sealing the deal for his team. Dah Smashahs fall to 7th-best in the league, and will narrowly miss the playoffs with a .500 record. So they'll have to wait until next year for their revenge -- the Ghost is moving on to the post-season. Final Score: Smashahs 42 -- Ghost 62.
• When you've got a dirty job, send The Army Of One to mop up for you. Saving the league the embarrassment of having an absentee manager make the playoffs, the ground-pounders wrote finis to the season of the Fayetteville Wolves, snapping their win streak at 2 games on the pass-catching of T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Anquan Boldin. The league hereby presents its gratitude to Army -- and the Commish adds his personal thanks to whatever unseen powers determined that this is the last time this season he'll have to remember how to spell "Houshmandzadeh." Final Score: Wolves 40 -- Army 62.
• There was only one game this week that didn't have playoff implications, and this was it. Since both The Jbou Show and the Haberdashers were not only guaranteed a playoff berth, but a first-round bye, the only possible interest in this matchup is that it's a potential Superbowl preview. And even that perspective gives us no joy, since the big Show decided to rest his starters (?!) for this meaningless game, allowing the hatsellers an irrelevant victory through the efforts of Shaun Alexander and Joey Galloway. Somebody seems to be banking on there being no penalty for presumption... Final Score: Haberdashers 39 -- The Jbou Show 26.
• Of the three potential playoff teams who hoped for an easy victory against a weaker opponent this week, only notyou's boys managed to close the deal. Facing last-ranked SpazAttack in the final week of the season, The Pantywaists underperformed at a critical juncture, allowing their never-say-die opponents to pull ahead on the strength of Clinton Portis' running and Hines Ward's receiving. Her team's overdue third victory of the season was almost enough to pull misskaz out of last place -- but the sprained foot of Brian Westbrook just wasn't strong enough to make it happen. Better luck next year! Final Score: Pantywaists 64 -- SpazAttack 76.
• Lastly, closing out their "Bum Of The Week" tour of the cellar of the league to wrap up the regular season, Los Osos De Muerte racked up their third straight victory. Miah's Defenestrators didn't have much riding on the contest, and were clearly overmatched by Tampa Bay's stout defensive unit and yeoman work from Larry Johnson. The 2004 Superbowl runners-up finish out the year ranked a disappointing 12th place, but have vowed to return to their winning ways next season. Final Score: Defenestrators 46 -- Los Osos 67.

So the preliminaries are now over, and it's time for the playoffs! And what's the best part about the playoffs, apart from the fact that I'll be in 'em? Only two games to recap next week!

With that said, the Commish would like to take this opportunity to say a heartfelt "thanks" to all our fantasy managers for an entertaining and exciting regular season, and hopes everyone had enough fun to want to come back next year for more. :)