We Be Declaratin' Up In Here!

Since nobody much has been using Jeff's new widget...

When in de Course uh human events, it becomes necessary fo' one sucka's t'dissolve da damn political bands which gotss' connected dem wid anoder, and t'assume, among de powers uh de eard, de separate and equal stashun t'which de Laws uh Nature and uh Nature's God entitle dem, some decent respect t'de opinions uh mankind requires dat dey should declare da damn causes which impel dem t'de separashun. 'S coo', bro.

We hold dese truds t'be self-evident, dat all dudes are created equal, dat dey are endowed, by deir Creato', wid certain unalienable Rights, dat among dese are Life, Liberty, and da damn pursuit uh Happiness.

Dat t'secure dese rights, Governments are instituted among Men, derivin' deir plum powers fum de consent uh de governed, Dat wheneva' any Fo'm uh Government becomes destructive uh dese ends, it be de Right uh de People t'alta' o' abolish it, and t'institute new Government, layin' its foundashun on such principles, and o'ganizin' its powers in such fo'm, as t'dem shall seem most likesly t'effect deir Safety and Happiness.